Dancing in the Dark

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
~Bruce Springsteen “Dancing in the Dark”

When I was just a baby, my parents changed my middle name from Jared to Matteo. My parents made this switch to honor my recently passed away great grandfather, whose first name was Matteo. Now what does this have to do with me being in Panama? Well, it was my great-grandfather that brought the Sacchetti side of the family to America through Ellis Island after World War I.

Having just passed my first six months in Panama, I was reflecting about how I ended up in turning my life upside down during the time and the factors that led me to the change. Of course, there were the obvious reasons – I wanted to help my fellow man, I wanted to challenge myself, I wanted to learn a new culture and language, etc. All those were inspiring and played a big role in leading me down here. However, there was something more that ultimately pushed me to go. It was that ‘spark’ that started the fire. Sure, it wasn’t the feel good reason like the others, but it was the final push that led me to a small fishing town in the Auzero region of Panama.

And that’s where my great-grandfather comes back into the mix. I am sure there were multiple reason to come to America (better life, American dream), but I can’t shake the thought that a big reason that he decided cross the Atlantic with his family was because something inside him pushed him, just like me.

That’s when I stared to think more about our two situations and I realized that this is my version of my great-grandfather coming to America.

In no way am I implying that my voyage is as difficult. For starters, I don’t have a family to take of. And while I get paid a low wage, I never have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. While I’m alone here in my community, I have a great support staff that is watching my back constantly. Finally, if I get homesick, I have plenty of options to turn to (phone, Internet, iPod, books).

At the same time, though, there are a lot of similarities. We both left behind out lives in our native country. We both spoke very little of the new language. We both didn’t know anybody in our new land. Lastly, we both thought the move would be to the benefit of our futures.

I never got a chance to talk to my great-grandfather, but judging that he raised his family and stayed in the States, his dance in the dark proved to be a great move. While, I’m not going to stay in my new country to live after my service is up, I can say that after six months, my own dance in the dark is proving to be a great move, too.